Danny Foreman
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Even in death, I drink.
Danny Foreman, shortly after he was declared legally dead.
| Danny Foreman | |
|---|---|
 Danny is 13% man, 64% booze, 23% vinegar, and a dash of love. | |
| Species | Jack Daniels |
| Factions | The Foremans |
| Age | 69 |
| Status | Incorruptably pickled |
| Height | 3' |
| Weight | 400 lbs[1] |
Danny Foreman, also known as The Pickled Pope, was the legal father of Joseph and Zoey Gemintry. He was known for being a borderline sociopath whose laziness and cruelty lead to Judy taking charge of raising their two children.
Later Life and Sainthood
Near the end of his life, Danny used his sociopathy to become the head of a Catholic sect. Danny would ultimately gaslight this sect into renaming themselves "The Foremans."[2] In his duties as a Foreman ecclesiarch, someone convinced him he needed to be closer to Christ and that he should imbibe mass amounts of vinegar[3] to this end. Danny agreed to the suggestion. Unfortunately, this pickled his brain[4] and killed him. He never gave up drinking alcohol. Danny's remaining followers submerged his body in a vinegar-flooded reliquary and worship him as their pickled saint to this very day. His nature as "incorruptable" has yet to be tested against any Corruption Virus strain; the Foremans are working on this.
The Scriptures of Foreman
The followers of the Pickled Saint recorded the parables and sayings he imparted in life and after his legal death. These records ultimately became the Scriptures of Foreman. Prominent verses include:
I hate my waterheaded idiot fucking kids!
Danny Foreman, loving father.
I should have beat my bitch of an ex-wife.
Danny Foreman, attentive husband.
Trivia
- At the time of its creation, this page was the 400th page created on the Unbroken Wiki. Unfortunately, when a duplicate version of the Neural-Cradle page was deleted, the wiki's page count fell to 399, and the Starlight Marauder page became the 400th page after the deletion of the duplicate Neural-Cradle page.
Notes
- ↑ Danny's height and weight make him uncannily barrel-like. Whiskey is sometimes stored in barrels like Danny.
- ↑ Danny was fucking illiterate and didn't realize the plural of "foreman" is "foremen." Or he's just so goddamn controlling he wanted to make his sect sound more like a family name rather than a plural job title.
- ↑ According to the Bible, Jesus declared "I thirst" while he was being crucified, and the Romans offered him a vinegar-soaked sponge.
- ↑ He turned his brain into a pickle! Funniest shit I 've ever seen.